What I learned today about Weston-super-Mare

21 Aug

1.  Weston-super-Mare exists.  

Earth-shattering, I know.  But for reasons that defy sense, I was unaware that miles of soft sandy beach with convenient beach-side parking and a large boardwalk/entertainment pier existed a mere sixty-minute drive from my home.

2.  Miles of beach, but no … water?

How is this even possible.

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Soft sand, plenty of room for games of volleyball, kite flying, castle building, picnics on the beach.  But no waves.  Where?  Where is the water?  This is not low tide.  This is … all there is.  I think?

3. Rip-off ‘edutainment’.

Just like back home.  But the kids won’t care that you’ve essentially paid fifty dollars to visit toilets off the sand, because as you cruise through Seaquarium, you will hear the most excited child-squeeeeeeeee ever released on the planet: “MOMMY!!  ALL THE NEMOS!”

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4.  The Grand Pier.

Really?  Okay.  Seems like an over-reach, but I suppose it has a sort of future sci-fi Dune kind of look to it from here.  That’s cool.  I’ll  point out that while it sounds nice to enjoy boardwalk fish and chips  sitting high above the sand (again — where is the water???), it is not so awesome when you are forced to breathe in the evidence of Britain’s smoking problem.  Stop smoking, people.  No joke.  IMG_8039

5. Seagulls are evil.

Like the look of these fresh hot doughnuts?  Just pulled out of the fryer filled with who-knows-what misbegotten oils and made with hideous gluten and covered in crack-cocaine sugar?  We did, too, until a seagull FLEW DOWN FROM THE SKY AND ATTACKED ME.  Took a doughnut right out of my hand as I was putting it in my mouth.  Not an exaggeration. People around me screamed.  My own children ran away from me.

Not that I blame them.  I’ve noted the evilness of seagulls before. Today they were perhaps the agents of the paleo gods, since I didn’t get more than a bite before the attack.

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So, to sum up all this fabulous learnin’:  Weston-super-Mare is worth a visit if you like hanging out on the beach but aren’t particularly bothered about going in the, you know, water.  Bring lots of sand toys, and more money than you expect — to spend on random entertainment, seagull-proof gloves, and extra doughnuts.  If you have a warm sunny day in England and an uncomplicated summer day to fill, it’ll be a win.

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6 Responses to “What I learned today about Weston-super-Mare”

  1. RMW August 21, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    Your post made me laugh… especially the seagull attack! This is actually low tide….. the water is there… but a long way out from the pier… When I lived in Worthing on the south coast, I have memories of walking walking walking for what seemed like miles out to the water. When we first moved to the US (Florida) I was disappointed that high tide and low tide were so similar.

    • Monique August 22, 2013 at 8:11 am #

      There are children out there having nightmares about the screaming american lady being attacked by a seagull. 😉 I am relieved to hear there is water out there … somewhere. Very different from my experience in the states, certainly. Our stroll on a Cornwall beach (with a fairly large tidal range) did not prepare me for this! (https://crumpetsincamelot.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/on-the-beac/)

  2. Brittney September 12, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    Hahaha. Oh.my.word. Many things.

    #1 The water does come in. Sometimes. It has one of the strongest tidal patterns in the world (who knew?!) so you’ll only see it at some certain times, but it’s too impractical and dangerous to swim in.
    #2 I laughed and laughed at the seagull comment. They are AWFUL. Have you ever been to Lyme Regis? They are terrifying there! The devil incarnated into flying scavengers.
    #3 We are only 30-40 minutes from Weston. Expats unite???

    Hope you are not feeling to down about that feel of autumn in the air! xoxo

    • Monique October 8, 2013 at 5:55 pm #

      Oh, how did I not see your comment! I’m worse than those horrible school-gate mums! We haven’t been to Lyme Regis but it’s on my list for next summer, along with more explorations along the Welsh beaches. Although the thought of meeting devil seagulls is concerning. (lol) Expats unite? Hey, wait, aren’t you about to have a baby??

  3. Tesni October 5, 2013 at 10:15 am #

    Weston is local to me and we know it as ‘Weston super mud’. I prefer to drive further afield to Devon or Weymouth for beach times. However from Oxfordshire it’s a long way to other beaches. Brean sands is supposed to be nicer than Weston and its very near Weston.

    The pier was burnt down a few year ago and recently rebuilt.

    Sorry about your seagull episode. I’ve experienced the same in st Ives. Seagulls are evil. Saw one nab a little boys panini in bristol recently!

    As for water, the sea is there and it does come in, but Weston has a huge tidal range. One of the largest in the world I believe. I remember visiting west witterings beach near Chichester regularly as a child and it was a huge trek to the water there too

    • Monique October 8, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

      I will do some better beach explorations next summer. Weston super-mud was truly a disappointment … but has given us the opportunity to learn all sorts of new things. Pretty impressive tidal range — I’d like to see the water at high tide someday.

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